I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
