also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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