i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
