Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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