Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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