dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
