I got chris browned last night
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
