it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
