the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
