I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
