Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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