I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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