FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We are two peas in an std pod
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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