i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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