I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
