I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
