The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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