I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
