his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
