Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
