Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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