i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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