We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
