we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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