At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i wish my penis had a tongue
where does the pee come out of this thing
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
