Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Randomize