Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
