Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
