Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
