My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
