Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
