Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
