It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
