K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
