Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
