I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
