He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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