Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Randomize
