I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hippo gnu deer
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
