Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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