Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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