Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
