dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
