We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
