Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it hurts more in the daytime
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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