The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
