I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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