he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
