Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
