Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
