his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
