My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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