What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
