census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
