My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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