There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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